The Twins of Crime
by izzy.lowkey
Summary: When Harley gets sick and can't go with her Mr. J to help fight batman, she wonders. So, her and Poison Ivy get a pregnancy test. What happens when it's positive?
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey guys names Izzy and this is my first story**_

 ** _I hope you enjoy it_**

 ** _I own no characters or batman..I wish_**

 ** _••••_**

Joker woke up at the sound of gagging. He rubbed his eyes and saw the bathroom light on.

"Harley..you ok in there you worthless dame?" Joker questioned. He got up from the bed and walked to the closed bathroom door. "Harley!..open the door.."

The door open to see a terrible looking Harley Quinn. Her face was paler than usual, her blonde hair was in a messy bun, her blue eyes was half closed, and her pj's were wrinkled.

"Harley you look terrible." The Joker said bluntly

"I'm ok Mr. J really." Harley tried to persuade

"No you're sick, so you're staying here because I don't want to get sick too."

"Ok Puddin'"

Harley went bed while The Joker got dress for the showdown with Batman.

••••

Harley woke up with her stomach turning and her throat gagging. She got up and ran to the bathroom. When she was done she got up and brushed her teeth.

'When was the last time you had you're period?' She thought

She gasped at the thought.

'Im late!'

••••

"Red! What if I'm pregnant?" Harley yells

"I don't even want to think about what that joke of a clown will think.. Here go take it." Ivy says bluntly

 **15 minutes later**

"So, what does it say?" Ivy asks

Harley's face looks horrified and pale.

"I'm..pregnant."

••••

"Harley pooh!, where are ya?!" Joker yells

"In the kitchen Puddin'!"

Joker walked into the kitchen to see a Harley Quinn eating ice cream with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and pickles with a cherry on top.

Joker looked disgusted.

"Dame what the hell are you eating?" He asked

"Just ice cream."

"With pickles." Joker said raise an eyebrow"What? It taste good."

"I'm going to bed" Joker said tiredly

"Ok I'm coming with."

"First brush your teeth..you smell like pickle juice."

••••

At 3 AM, Joker woke up to Harley throwing up yet again.

"God damnit, worthless blonde waking me up." Joker grumbled

Harley walked out of the bathroom looking a big mess.

"What's wrong with you?" Joker questioned

"Nothing. Just a little sick that's all.."

"You're always sick, maybe you should go to the doctor."

"NO.. I mean I fine, lets just go to sleep"

"..."

"Hey Pud..?"

"Yea."

"What do you think of kids?"

"What about the brats?"

"Do you want one?"

"Why have one, I mean there just spoiled little brats that always complained and never appreciate stuff.." Joker rambled

"Puddin'.."

"And they take up space and I won't ever find a plan to get Batsy.."

"Mr. J.."

"And there worthless..just like you are.."

"Joker!"

"What!"

She grabbed his hands and put it on her stomach.

"I'm pregnant." She whispered

"Excuse me?"

"We're having a baby.."

At that moment he blacked out on the bed

••••

 _ **Cliffhanger**_

 _ **I hope you guys enjoyed this**_

 _ **Remember I do not own these characters or batman**_

 _ **And don't forget to review**_

 __ **Izzy👑**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey _ **guys.. I'm back**_

 _ **I hope you really liked the last chapter and also this one**_

 _ **Remember** **I** **don't own the characters or batman..yeah I know I wish too?**_

 _Enjoy!✌️_

 _••••_

Joker woke up the next morning feeling a big headache in his head.

"Puddin'? You ok?"

He looked up to see Harley.

"Yeah..what happened?" Joker questioned

"You passed out Pud."

Joker closed his eyes and sighed

"Do you remember the talked we had before you passed out?" Harley asked

"I don't know dame..what the hell did we talk about?!"

"About children"

Joker gave her a look for an explanation

Harley sighed. "I asked you what'd you think about children, then you started rambling about what kids do to your life."

"That's right, kids are just useless time in your lif-" Joker replied

"I'm pregnant.."

"I'm sorry..what did you say?" Joker questioned

"We're having a baby.."

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN..I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON THE PILL!" Joker yelled

"I was, but they aren't 100% protective.." Harley cried

Joker sighed

"..."

"I have an appointment in 5 minutes.. Ivy's taking me.."

"You told the plant?"

"She helped me through it."

"NOW SHE'S GOING BE IN OUR BUSINESS!" Joker screamed

All of sudden the door was kicked down

 **'BAM!'**

"DON'T YOU DARE HURT HER!" Ivy yelled at Joker

"Red it's ok..he's fine with it." Harley said

"Really?" Ivy said eyeing him suspiciously

"Yeah, but I'm not happy with you being in our business Weed Lady."

"Oh well life sucks. Come Harley time for the doctor."

"Ok. Bye Puddin', l love you." Harley declared as she kissed Joker's cheek.

He grunted

When they went out the door, he rubbed his temples and said, "My head hurts.." moaning.

••••

The Doctor put the cold, clear blue gel on Harley stomach and rubbed it with the device in her hand.

"There the baby." She said to who she thought was a lesbian couple.

"Wow it's so small!" Harley happily said

"Your only 4 weeks in the pregnancy.." The doctor said

"I have a question..well a personal question."

"What is it dear?" The doctor asked

"Will I still be able to have sexual intercourse?"

"Well of course. I mean your hormones will increase more, so you will be having lots of mixed emotions running in your body."

"Uh oh that's not good." Ivy moaned

Harley just giggled

••••

Harley just came home from being with Ivy and her precious plants

"Puddin'? You home?!" Harley yelled

She walked into the kitchen to see chocolates and roses on the table with a note attached to it. She walked to it and read the note.

 _Harley my pooh bear,_

 _Im sorry for the way I treated you and I hope you could forgive me._

 _I'll love our child like the way I love you and make sure that your both safe._

 _P.S. I'm probably asleep right now but we still could cuddle the way you love too._

 _-Puddin' aka Joker_

She giggled and smiled

She put the flowers in water and took the chocolates to their room.

She went to her drawer and put pj's on. She turned to the bed to see Joker knocked out cold.

She giggled for the last time and kissed his cheek, then went to bed cuddling him while snuggled he with her.

••••

 ** _I hope you liked this chapter_**

 ** _Don't forget to review and like👍_**

 **👑Izzy👑**


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey **guys..IM BACK!**_

 _ **Sorry I didn't post recently, but I was at the movies watching Suicide Squad.**_

 _ **And I got to say OMG it was amazing especially the ending..its ok I'm not spoiler**_

 _ **Anyways, enjoy the chapter✌️**_

 _••••_

 **3 months**

"PUDDIN'!"

Joker sighed frustratedly. This is the sixth time that Harley has called him for something and he was getting tired of it.

But this is for their baby.

"Yes Harley?"

"I'm hot.."

Joker have her look. I mean who wouldn't, it was the middle of December and it was winter.

"Take your pajamas shorts off then."

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you too.." The joker replied

"WAIT!, can I have blueberry pancakes and some hot chocolate?" Harley asked

"Ok I'll get it for you"

"WAIT!, can I have vanilla ice cream with it?"

"Of course." Joker answered

"WAIT!"

"What now?" Joker asked annoyed

"Nothing..I just love you"

"I love you too"

"WAIT!"

"WHAT IS IT NOW!" Joker yelled

Harley looked at him with teary eyes

"Never mind" Harley whispered

Joker felt guilty now. It wasn't her fault that she's going crazy, it's her hormones.

"I'll just get your food now.."

He closed the door and went downstairs to prepared the food.

"Here you go, blueberry pancakes with vanilla ice cream and hot chocolate.."

"Thank you Pud" Harley thanked

"I'll do anything for my queen.. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"No it's ok, I mean my hormone are always doing its own thing now.."

"I'm tired pooh..let's sleep.."

"Oh no it's ok you could go to sleep..Ivy's coming here to help me with the baby"

Joker rolled his eyes

"Ugh.. Well if weed's going be here I guess I'll come with, don't won't her to plant her mutant plants around the house."

Harley giggled. "That's not very nice Mr. J"

"I'm not a nice guy"

••••

' _Ding, Dong'_

"Pooh.. The door"

"I'll get it" Harley jumped and went downstairs to open the door.

"Hey Harl. I got the some of the baby stuff." Ivy said

"Oh good.. Mista J!" Harley yelled

Ivy rolled her eyes. "His helping us?"

Harley nodded her head

"Great.." Ivy said sarcastically

He went downstairs with heavy footsteps

"Okay..soooo what do you have to do first?"

"First we're going practice pumping" Ivy responded. Then she pulled out a breast pump.

"What the hell is that?.. Some kind of toy?". Joker asked. He put the pump on his chest and threw it on the ground when it turned on.

Ivy and Harley laughed.

"What the fuck is that shit?!"

"It's for the women of the pregnancy..its makes the milk" Ivy told Joker

"So, that thing goes on Harley's boob..oh hell nah we're not using that.." Joker argued

"It's for the baby Mista J.."

Joker made a face but agreed, it's for their baby right?

"What's next?"

"This is baby formula..when the baby starts getting older he's/she's goin use this for milk" Ivy answers

"What does it taste like?" Joker questioned putting his finger in the material and put it in his mouth

"Ugk!" He spit

Ivy and Harley just laughed at him again.

"How is this stuff good.."

"Anyways..you put the formula in the bottle, mix it with some water, shake it up, and you have baby food."

"That seems simple..what's next?" Harley asked

"Well we have more baby food but in a jar"

Harley and Joker looked at the jars. The favors were Apples & Pears and Carrots & Peas.

"Plant just because you eat plants doesn't mean our child has to eat it."

Ivy just rolled her eyes

Yet again, Joker puts his finger in the jar.

"This one tastes good..." He trailed on while pointing to the jar of fruits.

"Ewwww!.. This vegetables stuff just taste nasty..why the hell do I kept putting stuff in my mouth.?" Joker asked himself.

"What do you put in your mouth Joker?" Ivy asked immaturely

Joker gave her look for being nasty. "Shut up Weed Lady.

••••

👑 **Izzy👑**


End file.
